


The Hangover

by showmeyourtardis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol, Gen, Humor, Inspired by a Movie, James and Lily's wedding, M/M, Marauders' Era, Post-Hogwarts, stag do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-29
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 03:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2532341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/showmeyourtardis/pseuds/showmeyourtardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sirius, James and Peter wake up after a Stag Do, they think their headaches are the only consequence. Until they realise they're one man down. With no recollection of what happened last night, the three of them must use the few brain cells they have left to find their friend. (Loosely based on the movie The Hangover)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where Everything Went Wrong...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all this time, you'd think The Marauders would know every plan Sirius has is a bad one.

**Then**

 

Sirius stood on the sofa, champagne threatening to spill out of his tilted glass. He steadied himself using the wall, and cleared his throat. When no one turned to look at him, he tapped his wand on the glass, sending a tinkling sound through the room. Three people turned to look at him, and promptly rolled their eyes.

“Gentlemen and... uh... ladies.” Sirius added, with a lopsided grin at Peter, “I'd like to make a toast.”

Ignoring the bunched up napkin launched his way, Sirius continued loudly, “Everyone raise your glass to the man of the hour, the stag of the Stag Do, James “Prongs” Potter! A man so bigheaded, it's truly amazing he can find t-shirts that fit.”

A seat cushion was launched across the room, knocking Sirius's champagne glass from his hand and effectively cutting off his speech. He wiped his wet hand across his t-shirt and sat back down on the sofa, flashing a smile at James.

“Stop being a dick.” James laughed. His glasses were pushed into his hair, making it stick out way more than it already did. He kicked off his shoes and stretched his legs across the sofa, scratching his nose with his wand.

Nearby on the floor, a slice of pizza in each hand, sat Peter – looking more rat-like than ever as he nibbled on the end of his pizza. His eyes were slightly bleary and he seemed completely oblivious to the fact that he was topless.

Sirius lay down on the couch. He stretched his hand over the edge and ran his fingers through Remus's light brown hair. Remus turned his head slightly to smile at Sirius. He leant forward, snatching the only remaining pizza box away from Peter. As Remus bit into the last slice of pizza, Sirius leaned over the edge of his sofa and stole his champagne glass.

He downed the bubbly liquid in one mouthful, just as Remus turned around. Sirius smiled and Remus's face darkened into a glare, his eyes narrowing on the glass, “Is that my drink?”

“I don't know about is, but it probably _was_.” Sirius shrugged.

Remus turned away from Sirius with a sigh and announced, “We're out of alcohol.”

James picked up the champagne glass next to him and held it over his mouth. When no liquid dropped out he chucked it away, the no shattering charm on the bottle was the only thing that saved Peter from being showered in glass. Sirius jumped up, the room gave a sickening lurch.

He steadied himself, and placed his hands on his hips, “Have no fear, the best man is here.”

Remus groaned at the rhyme and dragged himself up onto the couch Sirius had just vacated. Sirius ignored him and ran off into the kitchen. After a few minutes of drunkenly rummaging through the Potters's fridge, he found what he'd hidden there.

Throwing the lounge door open with a bang, he held up the bottle triumphantly. When the cheers and shouts he'd expected never came, he explained, “Firewhiskey. Russian imported. I will take your thanks in the form of galleons.”

“Russian Firewhiskey?” James asked, his interest piqued.

“Since you're losing your freedom tomorrow, you can have the first glass.” Sirius promised, grabbing James's empty champagne glass and pouring a liberal amount of honey coloured liquid into it. He ignored the glare James threw at him, and offered the glass to him. “Come on, Prongs, you know you want to.” He sang.

James took the glass and downed it in one. Laughter filled the room when he grimaced and retched. He choked and gripped Sirius's shoulder, his fingernails digging in, “That is... Merlin's sweaty balls, that's awful.”

“Ready for round two?” Sirius asked, shaking the bottle. James eyed the sloshing liquid wearily, but held out his glass anyway. With barely concealed glee, Sirius ran around the room filling Peter and Remus's glasses and then his own. He held his glass up high, “To Prongs.”

“To Prongs.” Peter and Remus echoed, before all four of The Marauders downed their new firewhiskey.

It burned it's way down Sirius's throat. It was worse, so much worse, than the firewhiskey they got from Hogsmeade. It was actual fire inside Sirius and his throat was in shreds. It threatened to steal his voice and burn his body from the inside out. Still, he managed to maintain his cool demeaner, even as his eyes watered excessively. Eventually the fire settled and a glow of warmth spread right to his toes.

He glanced over at Remus, who was coughing and spluttering.

“Come on, Moony, that's not the worst thing you've ever swallowed.” Sirius said lasciviously. Three groans of disgust followed, and he laughed, ducking his head to dodge the glass thrown at him. 


	2. As Sick As A Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius wakes up with a headache and a huge gap in his life.

**Now**

 

_I'm dead._

_This is what death feels like._

_Oh fuck. I'm dead and this is the afterlife._

_So this is how the glorious and sexy Sirius Black dies – firewhiskey and Prongs's stag do._

_Can't say I didn't see it coming._

With a long groan, Sirius forced his eyes open. The afterlife looked a lot like the bottom of Prongs's dining table. He only knew it was James's by the four nicknames that had been scratched into the wood a year ago. The floor was cold and hard beneath him, and there was something tight wrapped around his neck. He took in a gasping breath and grabbed whatever it was that was trying to choke him. His fingers found something rough and buckled. Ignoring the ache in his arms as he moved, he struggled to get it undone.

The tightness disappeared and he coughed. He pulled the thing away from him. A dog collar. A  _pink_ dog collar, with sparkling gems on it depicting the words “Best Man”. He glared at it. Using what little strength he had left, he launched it across the room. It smacked into the kitchen counter and bounced to the floor lamely.

Another groan escaped Sirius's throat as he rolled to the side, the room continued to roll long after he was still. He crawled out from under the table like an animal – catching sight of the mud and scratches that adorned his entire body. His clothes were caked in dirt, and it was under his fingernails. Scratches and cuts crisscrossed his hands and arms, he looked like he'd been in a fight with an angry hippogriff. Considering the emptiness that was his memory of last night, it was entirely within the realms of possibility.

His entire body screamed and protested as he used the counter to drag himself to his feet. His legs shook but managed to hold his weight. The room was a tip, filled with pizza boxes and mud. Lily's favourite vase lay in a broken heap on the floor, and Sirius made a mental note to fix that before she came home.

Already out of breath, he turned on the tap and ducked his head underneath it. The cold water woke him up as it splashed across his face, and he drank from it like he hadn't had a drink in years. His mouth felt stuffed with cotton wool, but after a few gulps he started to feel slightly better. Not good, but better.

This was the worst hangover he'd ever had, his entire body was broken. Maybe he'd done a Professor Binns and had actually died without realising. A quick glance under the table told him that he hadn't left his body behind.

The sun was bright in his eyes, and he squeezed them shut with a groan. Groaning was possibly the only thing he could do now, maybe he'd lost his voice along with his memory last night...

He turned around and leant against the kitchen counter. The door to the lounge was miles away. His legs wouldn't make it. He'd die before he got there. Had James's kitchen always been this big?

Sirius tipped forward, stumbling on his feet, towards the door. He tripped. Thankfully, the wall was there to catch him. A deep throbbing started in his head, from where he'd hit the off-white coloured wall. The hangover headache he'd already had increased. His brain felt too big for his skull, or his skull too small for his brain. His vision blurred slightly but he somehow made it to the lounge, not entirely sure how much time it had taken him.

Leaning on the doorframe like it was the only stable structure in a hurricane, Sirius surveyed the room with his ever-shrinking tunnel vision.

On a pile of crisp packets, looking like death warmed up, was Peter. His left eye was shadowed in a dark bruise. A pool of drool dripped steadily from his mouth. James was nearby, sprawled on the sofa, broken glasses on his face. Like Sirius, the two of them were covered in mud and scratches.

With his vision finally back to normal, Sirius kicked Peter awake, shook James slightly, and collapsed onto the other sofa, watching the two of them rouse from sleep. Groaning filled the room. Sirius was about thirty percent certain the three of them were now zombies.

Staring blankly at the ceiling, Peter asked the question on everyone's mind, “What the fuck?”

“You said it.” Sirius murmured, shutting his eyes.

“No seriously, what the fuck?” James asked, his voice hoarse and raspy.

Sirius opened his eyes again and shrugged at James. He was in no position to explain last night's events. He couldn't remember a thing. There was the taste of russian firewhiskey, and then nothing until he woke up this morning. Peter sat up and James sniggered, “What happened to your face?”

“What do you mean?” Peter asked, forcing himself to his feet. Sirius stifled a laugh as Peter stumbled towards the mirror. He caught sight of his reflection and his face twisted into horror, making the black eye look even more disgusting. He pressed a finger to his tender skin and winced, “What the fuck is that! Fucking shit! How did that happen? What the actual fuck?”

Sirius and James couldn't hold in their laughter anymore. Even though his head ached and his stomach twisted sickenly, Sirius couldn't stop laughing at the uncontrolled horror on Peter's face. Once the two of them had settled down, Peter sat back down with an audible thud. James held his arms above his head and inspected the scars that ran along his arms, “Lily is going to kill me.”

“Oh! James said Lily, everyone drink!” Sirius mocked. James threw an angry look at Sirius, yanking a champagne glass out from underneath him.

“Aguamenti.” He muttered, a spout of water shooting from his wand. He drank desperately from the glass and when it was empty, he refilled it. After his fourth drink, some colour finally returned to his cheeks. James refilled the glass once more and offered it to Peter, who grabbed the glass thankfully.

Sirius stretched out on the sofa, feeling the ache in his joints subside slightly. He still felt broken and hurt, but it was leaving slowly. After a shower and another eight glasses of water, he'd probably feel human again. Not that he was in any rush to do either of those things, since they both required energy Sirius just didn't have. Instead he folded his arms across his chest, and shut his eyes, hoping to catch up on some of the sleep he'd missed last night.

Seconds after his eyes closed, James yelped. Sirius shot upright. His back protested at the sudden movement and Sirius turned to glare angrily at his friend. His glare dissolved into a confused look when he saw James, sucking on his finger and looking frightened.

“Uh, Prongs?” Peter asked, looking as confused as Sirius.

James pulled his finger out of his mouth, and reached back into his pants pocket tentatively. Sirius felt his eyebrows shoot up his head when James pulled a bowtruckle from his pocket. The bowtruckle looked furious at being evicted, and latched its mouth onto James's finger. He yelped again and jerked his arm. The tiny creature was launched across the room, where it smashed into the clock that had been on the wall. The two fell to the ground, the clock showing the time to be ten a.m.

Ten seconds later the bowtruckle jumped upright and made a dash towards the kitchen. Despite the alcohol that had probably slowed his reaction time, James managed to immobilise the thing before it escaped. It froze, and the three of them stared at it nervously.

“Where did we get a bowtruckle from?” James asked, keeping his wand raised in case it found a way to free itself. The bowtruckle was tiny and probably only a baby.

“No idea...” Sirius muttered, looking at the tree creature.

“Uh guys?” Peter asked, looking anxiously around the room, “Where's my wand?”

James rolled his eyes at Sirius, and smirked, “You're always losing that thing.”

Sirius grabbed his own wand from his pocket. He pulled a piece of grass off it and flicked it to the floor. He sat up and aimed his wand into the room, “Accio Peter's wand.” When no wand came flying towards Sirius, he shrugged, “Not here, I gotta go pee.”

He jumped to his feet and wandered towards the door. Some stability was returning to his legs, enough so that he didn't stumble and fall as he walked. He stepped around the bowtruckle nervously. Just as he pulled the door open, he heard Peter mutter, “Thanks for your help, Sirius.”

Sirius winked at Peter over his shoulder and walked up the stairs. He had to clutch the bannister to pull himself up, and then use the wall to actually get to the bathroom. After relieving himself, he admired his reflection in the mirror. More scars and mud covered his face. He had enough scars on his face to rival Moony.

_Wait... Moony._

_Where the fuck is Moony?_

He pushed himself back into the corridor and headed towards James and Lily's bedroom.

“Moony? Where the fuck are you?” He sang, pushing the door open. There was nobody lay on the bed. A small bubble of panic formed in his chest, but he ignored it. There was no way Remus was missing. He poked his head under the bed, ignoring the dizziness that filled his head when he bent over, “Are we passed out drunk somewhere, Moony? Can't handle our liquor, ay?”

No one was under the bed either.

Or in the wardrobe. Or anywhere in the room for that matter. Sirius stumbled back from the room, the small bubble of panic had grown to the size of a golfball. He ran down the stairs, sounding like a herd of trolls, and burst into the lounge.

“Moony, where the fuck are you!” Sirius shouted, looking into the fireplace. He checked behind the couches, and on the windowsill, and even the tiny space under the couches (because you never know what might have happened, maybe they'd accidentally shrunk him somehow). But beyond the bowtruckle and three quarters of The Marauders, there was no one to be found.

“Moony's gone?” James asked, anxiety running through his words.

“REMUS JOHN LUPIN!” Sirius shouted, ignoring the panic inside his chest threatening to choke him, “IF YOU DON'T COME OUT NOW, NO SEX FOR A YEAR!”

No reply came. No person appeared, laughing at the panic on their faces. Nothing.

James and Peter stood up slowly, wide-eyed and fearful.

“Are you telling me, we lost one of my grooms-men the day before my wedding?” James asked, looking at Sirius through his cracked glasses.

“No,” Sirius corrected, “I'm telling you, we lost my boyfriend!”

Peter stepped towards both of them, looking like he was about to be sick, “No, no, guys. We lost a werewolf two days before the full moon...”

 


	3. It's Never As Bad As You Think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius panics, showers, makes a new friend, and then panics some more.

“Are you really suggesting Moony will still be missing in _two days?_ ” Sirius asked hysterically. He could hardly breathe. Remus could be anywhere, he could be... Sirius couldn't even think the word. The idea of Remus being injured was bad enough, but to think he might be... unalive somewhere. No way.

_Absolutely not._

James yanked his glasses off his head and fixed them quickly. Before putting them back on, he rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hand. Once his glasses were replaced, he took a calming breath, and said, “No. We'll find him. He can't have got far. We started in this house and we're all still here.”

“Have you tried the garden?” Peter offered hopefully. Sirius glanced at the mud on everyone's clothes.

He sprinted out of the lounge, through the kitchen and into the garden. The crisp morning air filled his lungs and he felt sober at last. The sun was warm against his skin, the grass was soft beneath his bare feet and birds sang in the trees nearby. But Sirius wasn't in the state of mind to enjoy any of it. He felt sick to his stomach as he ran around the garden. Desperately hoping to find a very drunk, very confused Moony hidden amongst the flower beds.

Before he'd even had chance to check half the garden, he knew it was useless. There was no one in the garden beyond himself and the gnome watching him intently from behind a bush. The ground was dry, and there was no mud anywhere to be seen. They couldn't possibly have gotten their mud stains from here.

He traipsed back inside, his eyes fixed on the ground. In the kitchen, James and Peter sat at the table over steaming coffee. Sirius joined them, glaring at the cup offered to him. James put the cup down in front of Sirius when he refused to take it. Angrily, Sirius asked, “How is this helping us find him?”

“Let's look in our pockets. There must be something that can help.” James offered, placing his coffee cup down.

It was better than any idea Sirius could come up with. So, still ignoring his coffee, he stuck a hand into his pocket and pulled everything out. He dropped a crumpled receipt onto the table and eagerly unfolded it, hoping to Merlin that it would reveal Moony's whereabouts. Sirius scanned the small printed text on the receipt and gasped,  _Two Hundred Galleons?_

“Two hundred galleons?” Peter echoed Sirius's thoughts, leaning over his shoulder, “How did you spend two  _hundred_ galleons in  _Honeydukes?_ ”

“Ah shit.” Sirius muttered, running a hand across his face, “Moony is going to kill me.”

“I think two hundred galleons is nothing, compared to the fact that he's missing!” James pointed out.

“Oh... Yeah...” Sirius said, crumpling the reciept once more. Reaching a hand into his other pocket, he pulled out a pack of mint gum and a half eaten sugar quill. He put the gum back into his pocket and picked some lint off the quill. James looked away disgustedly as Sirius stuck the quill back in his mouth.

James followed Sirius's lead and reached into his own pocket. He found a broken shard of their two way mirror; the other half now kept with Lily instead of Sirius. James quickly covered the shard with a dish towel and muttered a “just in case.”. Reaching into the pocket that had once contained a bowtruckle, he found a pile of mud and dumped it onto the kitchen table.

Peter dropped a few crisps, some chocolate frogs – which eagerly hopped to freedom, and a coaster from The Three Broomsticks onto the table. The three of them stared at the contents of their pockets, now spread across the table.

“Well that was helpful.” Sirius said sarcastically, running his left hand through his hair and over his face.

Suddenly James launched across the table, seizing Sirius's hand. Sirius attempted to pull his hand free of James's vice-like grip but he held on tighter, as he asked, “Is that a wedding ring?”

Sirius observed the thin band of silver on his ring finger. How had he not noticed that this morning? He chuckled, and freed his hand from James, “Sorry, must be yours.”

James's eyes were wide as he stared at the ring. Sirius rolled his eyes, Prongs was so dramatic. It was just his wedding ring, Sirius had probably put it on to imitate James last night. He went to pull it off and apologise to James for desecrating his wedding or something stupid like that, when James whispered, “That's not mine.”

Sirius laughed and rolled his eyes, James was clearly suffering from severe amnesia. He waved his hand in front of James's face, the silver metal catching the sunlight, “Of course it's yours, it's not _mine._ ”

“Sirius.” James said slowly, quietly, “That's not mine. Mine's gold.”

Sirius laughed and opened his mouth to reply. Before he could, the weight of James's words finally sunk in. His mouth shut and his eyes widened. His heart sped up as he leapt back from the table, his chair falling to the ground behind him, “DID I GET MARRIED!”

James and Peter stared silently at Sirius. Their looks of confusion mirroring Sirius's own. He stared at the band around his finger which suddenly felt so much tighter – like it was cutting off his circulation. He looked up at James and Peter. Waited for one of them to come up with some kind of explanation, to tell him it wasn't what it seemed it was just... just... a prop or something. It did not, absolutely not, mean that Sirius was married.

But neither of them said anything. They just remained sat down, watching Sirius fearfully, like he was about to have a breakdown. Which was very possible, judging by the panicked rambling spewing from his mouth, “I can't be married, because Sirius Black does not get married, he does not settle down at nineteen years of age!” He could hear himself being hysterical, but he couldn't calm down. This was easily the worst thing he'd ever done when drunk. It beat that time he'd been punched by a goblin by miles. He ran a hand through his hair again, “Sirius Black does not get drunken married!”

James cleared his throat and said, “If Moony were here, I'm sure he'd point out that that is exactly what Sirius Black would do.”

_Oh fuck, Moony._

He hadn't even thought about him. Had he drunkenly married Remus last night? Was he now in a fully fledged in-it-until-the-end relationship?

Or, and it was almost painful to think about, had he married someone else?

Some random girl or guy he'd stumbled upon in their travels and somehow married them... Was that why Remus had ran off?

“We need to find him.” Sirius choked out, his throat abnormally tight.

“Well,” James began, finally looking away from Sirius and back towards the table, “Hogsmeade seems a good place to start.”

Sirius took a deep breath, shoving all of the marriage panic down. He had to calm down or he'd never find Remus. He just needed to forget about the ring for now, he could tackle that later. After a few calming breaths, during which Peter and James watched him nervously, he felt slightly better. Sirius, his heartbeat back to normal (or as close as it would get until he found Lupin), looked at the mud on his skin and announced, “But first a shower.”

Sirius was halfway up the stairs before James and Peter had stood up, scraping their chairs noisily against the floor. He ran as fast as he could, slamming the bathroom door shut before either of them could catch him. James banged furiously on the door, “This is my house, you tosser. You know the rules!”

“Dorm rules.” Sirius called back, peeling his filthy clothes off his skin. He let James's banging and shouting fade into background noise and climbed into the hot water. It stung and prickled at his scratches, but the heat started to make him feel a little better.

He found James's shower gel and squeezed a liberal amount between his hands. As he was scraping off the mud caked to his arms, he unearthed a few darkening bruises. The idea of Sirius fighting some magical creature last night was looking more and more likely.

It took a lot of scrubbing to get all the mud off and three lots of shampoo to get it out his hair, but once he was done he felt alive and less like a zombie. Zombies didn't smell like lemon shower gel.

Reluctantly, he dragged himself out of the shower and rubbed a towel across himself, careful not to irritate any of his cuts. He kicked his dirty clothes into one corner and wrapped the towel around his waist. He hooked his wand behind one ear and opened the bathroom door. James glared at him furiously and Sirius mockingly held his hand out towards the bathroom, “All yours.”

“Dick.” James muttered before slamming the door behind him. Peter was sat cross legged on the floor and Sirius stepped past, careful not to touch him and get himself covered in mud again.

He walked into James's room and after a bit of rooting, found a hoodie and a pair of jeans that looked like they'd fit him. He pulled them on, and chucked the wet towel into James's laundry basket. The jeans were, embarrasingly, too long for him and he cursed his lack of height. 

He caught sight of the silver ring on his finger. He briefly thought about ripping it off and throwing it out the window.

He couldn't.

He didn't know why.

Water dripped from his hair as he headed downstairs, and back into the lounge. The bowtruckle liberated from James's pocket was still frozen in the room. Sirius took pity on the poor thing and freed it with his wand.

It didn't make a run for it, instead it surveyed Sirius interestedly. Sirius bent down in front of it and when it didn't attempt to attack him in anyway, he picked it up. As soon as it was in Sirius's hand, it ran along his arm and clambered onto his shoulder, as though it had done it a thousand times.

“Guess I know who found you last night.” Sirius muttered to the bowtruckle sat on his shoulder. He glanced to the side, looking at the creature out the corner of his eye, “I'll call you Woody.”

The bowtruckle held Sirius's wet hair for safety as Sirius stood back up. He wandered into the kitchen. He hadn't checked the kitchen properly for Remus, having been too preoccupied by the chance that he might be injured somewhere on a dirt road. Now Sirius was showered, slightly calmer, and with his new bowtruckle friend, he felt up to a proper search.

He spotted the cupboard under the stairs, and made his way towards it.

“Bet he's in here, Woody. In fact, I bet you one hundred galleons he's in here.” Sirius said, grinning. He could picture it now, a slightly drunk Remus looking for the lounge door and instead finding the cupboard door. Even drunk, he wouldn't want to come back out and tell Sirius he was wrong, so he'd just sleep in the cupboard.

It made complete sense. After all, Sirius had woken up under the kitchen table, no doubt having hidden there to catch Remus when he left, and shout “Ha-ha! You're an idiot!”. Only they'd both ended up falling asleep before anything could happen. Sirius laughed to himself and opened the door.

Remus was there, still asleep. Unlike the other three quarters of The Marauders, Remus's skin wasn't covered in any fresh scratches or mud. Of course, he'd probably stood to the side shaking his head as the others did whatever it was that had damaged them so much.

Sirius rolled his eyes and bent down, Woody wobbled slightly but remained on his shoulder. It was when Sirius was reaching for Remus's shoulder that he spotted the blood. The blood all over his clothes. Too much blood to be a small cut...

He was pale. So pale.

So much paler than usual.

A scream echoed through the house and Sirius collapsed backwards, scrambling away from the body in the cupboard.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for this cliffhanger...


	4. The Sweet and The Bitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth is learnt, the mistakes are remembered, and the past is revealed.

Peter and James came barrelling down the stairs. Sirius had stopped screaming but he couldn't drag his eyes away from Remus. He was dead. Sirius was going to throw up. He was going to pass out. He was panicking, suffocating from the tightness in his chest. He was having a heart attack, or an anxiety attack, or some form of attack.

James ran to Sirius, hand holding the towel around his waist. Shampoo ran through his hair, shaped into a mohawk. He stood behind Sirius, took one look at the person –  _body –_ in the cupboard, and clutched at the counter to keep himself upright. Sirius couldn't bring himself to look away from Remus to James, but he guessed from the sounds, James was retching.

Remus's body sat there, leaning against the wall. He was facing them with his eyes shut tight. He looked pale but his hair and clothes were neat. Despite the blood there were no marks on his body. How long had he been here?

_How had any of this happened?_

Sirius was shaking. He was freezing cold, and he couldn't drag his eyes away from his boyfriend. No way was this possible. No way was any of this happening. Oh fuck, he was going to collapse, he couldn't think or breathe or move, he just stared, horrified.

Peter ran forward too then, desperate to see what was so horrific to have his friends acting like this. He almost barrelled into Sirius in his rush. But then a strange thing happened. As soon as he stepped between Sirius and the cupboard, the form of Remus's body shifted, moving like it was made of smoke. Sirius wasn't sure he was awake, this had to be a dream.

The smokey figure moved impossibly. Then before three pairs of eyes, the body of Remus Lupin became a giant tabby cat; the size of the cupboard door, which protracted it's claws menacingly. Peter stumbled backwards, almost stepping on Sirius. James suddenly kicked into gear, he snatched Sirius's wand from behind his ear and shouted, “Riddikulus!”

The cat transformed into a giant teddy bear. Unsurprisingly none of them felt like laughing, and Peter just shut the door on the boggart, hiding it from sight. He leaned back on the door, panting heavily.

Silence filled the room. Sirius swallowed a lump in his throat, the image of Remus was seared permanently into his brain. He vowed to keep his eyes open for the remainder of his life, to prevent ever having to relive that image.

After a long, dragging silence, James cleared his throat, “Just a boggart.”

Sirius pressed his fists into his eyes, until sparks of light danced across his eyelids. When he reopened his eyes, James had moved to face him. Both him and Peter were once again back to their wide eyed and fearful looks. Sirius dragged himself shakily to his feet, his knees threatening to buckle beneath him, “What are you waiting for! Get showered so we can find him!” He ordered, looking away from them.

** *** **

Apparating was not good for a hangover, Sirius decided. He bent over the bin and threw up the contents of his stomach, which was mostly empty. James patted him on the back and Sirius distantly heard the sound of Peter throwing up as well. Woody was scrambling through his hair, and it wasn't helping Sirius feel any less dizzy. He could still see the image of the boggart, and he suspected that was partly responsible for the vomiting.

After several minutes, he composed himself enough to stand up. He wiped his mouth on James's hoodie sleeve, and popped a piece of gum into his mouth. He'd brought the gum with him since he'd spent two hundred galleons in Honeydukes, he might as well use his purchase. He offered a piece to Peter who still looked a little green around the edges.

“Where should we start?” Peter asked, taking a piece of gum and chucking it into his mouth.

“Honeydukes.” James said, pointing to the closest building.

Sirius lead the way, tucking Woody into his hoodie pocket for safety. As soon as the door shut behind them, the owner of Honeydukes – Carma Flume – ran over to them. She pointed a sugar quill angrily at Sirius, and said, “I told you! No refunds, Black.”

Sirius held up his hands in surrender, “No refunds, I get it. Can you at least tell me what I bought?”

Carma looked sternly between the three boys, before bursting into laughter. Her voice was sweet and her laugh brought a smile to each of their faces. Wiping a tear from her eye, she explained, “You only bought four of everything in the shop!”

Sirius rubbed a hand over his face. Yeah, if he ever found Remus, their reunion would be short lived. Remus would probably strangle him with his bare hands when he found out how much money he'd spent. And on something so useless, even after Moony's whole be-responsible-with-your-money lecture. Not only had he spent that much money on so much useless crap, he'd lost it soon after. There was certainly not four of every sweet in James's house, so where on earth were his sweets?

He heard James laughing and glared at him. Peter dragged his eyes away from the sugar mice near him and asked, “When we came in last night, was it just the three of us?”

Carma looked thoughtful for a second, before waving the sugar quill to encompass all of them, “No, there was a fourth. What's his name... Lupin! Yeah, Lupin, with the scars.” She gestured to her face.

Sirius bit back the offended comment on his lips, and nodded. They all said their goodbyes and wandered out of the shop. Once outside, they turned to face each other. Woody poked his head out from Sirius's pocket and James wrinkled his brows together. Before he could say anything about the bowtruckle Sirius had adopted, Peter said, “So we had Moony with us in there.”

“Which begs the question, why the fuck didn't he stop me wasting my money!” Sirius asked grumpily, glaring at the door to Honeydukes.

James laughed loudly and clapped a hand to Sirius's shoulder, “I don't doubt he tried.”

Sirius had to agree with that, there wasn't enough alcohol in the world to stop Remus from shouting at Sirius. Apparently, not even russian imported alcohol could stop him.

“So where next?” Peter asked, kicking at the ground.

Sirius glanced around them, his eyes landed on the welcoming inn nearby. Peter and James followed his gaze and groaned. James pulled a face, “Ugh, I don't think alcohol can solve this mess.”

Sirius rolled his eyes at him, “Not for alcohol.” Peter looked at him doubtfully, and James raised one eyebrow. Sirius conceded, “Okay, for a little alcohol. You know, hair of the dog and all that. But also, because of the coaster Wormtail found in his pocket.”

He lead the way, knowing they'd follow him.

He pushed open the door and walked into the warm, smokey room. It was full as usual and smelt a bit like butterbeer. Sirius wandered towards the bar and glanced at the clock hung on the wall. Half eleven – it had been an hour and a half since James had discovered the bowtruckle in his pocket, and they'd still not found Moony.

Sirius drummed his fingers on the bar while Madam Rosmerta served a group of Slytherins. From how nervous they looked, they'd snuck out of the school somehow. They didn't seem old enough to be drinking the firewhiskey Rose poured for them, but he didn't doubt her judgement. Merlin knows he'd been on the receiving end of a few underage firewhiskeys in his time.

James and Peter stood nearby, looking blankly at the bar. They were probably thinking the same thing Sirius was – Remus wasn't here. He didn't know what he'd expected. Maybe for Remus to jump from his seat and shout “I'm over here you tossers, don't you remember leaving me here?” But, of course, he didn't. He was still missing. Lost in wherever the hell he was. Sirius felt his stomach flip, he was probably so scared and alone.

Lost in his own thoughts, Sirius barely noticed Madam Rosmerta approach them, “Well, if it isn't my favourite boys! See you've sobered up a bit.” She laughed, nudging James across the bar. She turned to face Sirius then, “Sirius stop that infernal tapping, it's driving me mad, it is.”

“Sorry Rose.” Sirius said guiltily, keeping his fingers still.

She smiled warmly at him. “Now where's your boyfriend? You two do make a lovely couple. Although, I don't know what he sees in you, that Lupin's always been better than you, Black.” She joked.

Sirius laughed nervously. He scratched the back of his neck, feeling Woody move in his pocket. Pushing down the horrific images of Remus in his mind, Sirius joked, “He's more rebellious than he looks.”

“No, I think you're just a bad influence.” Rose laughed, wiping the bar down with her cloth, “Especially when he's drunk, you very almost convinced him to streak through Hogsmeade. Good thing I was here to stop him, or you'd be cursed into next week.”

James perked up, “So he was with us last night?”

Rose pulled out three glasses and set them on the bar, “Course he was. Didn't know you four were capable of going your separate ways.” She filled each glass with butterbeer, and Sirius felt his stomach twist at the thought of the sweet liquid. Maybe coming into a bar when they're all this hungover was a bad idea.

She offered the three glasses to each of them and James held out his hand, “No, thanks.”

“No I owe you. Especially after what happened with Snape.” She said, pushing the glasses towards them.

“Snape?” Peter asked, the three of them looking equally confused.

Rose drew her brows together and pinned them all with a serious look. They'd been on the receiving end of this look so many times; usually when trying to liberate a few bottles of firewhiskey from under the cloak. She had some strange ability to know exactly when they were trying to steal from her. She put one hand on her hip and said, “You four really were out of your faces, weren't you?”

The three of them nodded mutely. She shook her head disapprovingly, but there was a hint of amusement on her face. The Marauders were her favourite customers, even if she'd deny it to anyone who asked – especially The Marauders themselves.

“Well you came in here, saying something about old times.” She waved a hand dismissively. Sirius nodded, hoping she might reveal what happened to Remus. He sipped at his butterbeer and held off his grimace. Drinking alcohol to cure a hangover – not the best idea he'd ever thought of. She lowered her voice conspiratorally, “Anyway, Snape and his cronies come in – you know that lot he's got with now? Awful lot, and it's a shame 'cause he had such potential.”

She faced James, “He rounds on you. Because you're marrying Lily Evans – lovely girl by the way, congratulations!”

James smiled proudly, “Thanks.”

“Him and his mates start getting rowdy, you four are just ignoring 'em. But next thing I know, Peter here is lying on the ground, bruising around the eye-”

“That explains that.” Sirius interrupted, nudging Peter.

“-So you two.” She continued, pointing to Sirius and James, “Get the group under control and kick 'em out. Lucky really, 'cause you were nicer than I would have been.”

“Nice to Snape?” James said, his eyebrows shooting up his forehead, “That doesn't sound like us.”

Rose gave them a wry look, “I said  _nicer_ not  _nice._ ” She winked at them before walking off to serve a witch in magenta robes.

 


	5. Slugs and Slime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders meet an old friend, and 'accidentally' trash his house.

James's butterbeer remained untouched, Peter was absentmindedly swirling a finger through his, and a small bowtruckle was dipping it's face into Sirius's. James eyed the creature wearily when it wiped it's mouth on Sirius's sleeve.

“Why are you carrying that thing around with you?” He asked, as Woody clambered up Sirius's arm.

Sirius gasped. He pressed a hand to his heart mockingly and in a stung voice, he said, “How dare you! Woody is not a  _thing._ He is a bowtruckle who will help us find Moony.” He turned to the creature on his shoulder and cooed, “Won't you, Woody?”

The woodland creature just stared blankly back at him. Sirius took that to mean  _“Yes, Sirius, I will find him.”_ He nodded to himself.

Offering his glass back up to his pet, he heard Peter lean towards James and whisper, “Has Sirius finally lost it?”

Sirius glared at the two of them as they sniggered. Rolling his eyes and pointedly ignoring them, he glanced back down at the ring on his finger. Twisting the ring around, he watched the candlelight glint off it. He'd gotten used to it on his finger and barely noticed it unless he was looking directly at it. He still hadn't taken it off.

He still didn't know why.

James grabbed his glass and took a mouthful. He grimaced slightly and wiped the foam mustache from his lips, he cleared his throat, “We have to go see Snape.”

Sirius drew his brows together – apparently he wasn't the only one who'd lost it. Peter wiped the butterbeer off his finger on his shirt, “Why?”

“He saw us last night.” James clarified, “We had Moony with us, maybe Snape can help.”

“Snape help?” Sirius scoffed.

“More like Snape maim and kill.” Peter pointed out in a high-pitched voice.

James rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, purposefully messing it up. “We got rid of him  _and_ his gang last night, while wasted, I think we can handle him sober.” He said coolly, before looking at Peter like he was an idiot.

Sirius cut in, “Obviously we can handle him.” He waved a hand dismissively, “But it won't help. What has Snivellus got to do with Moony's disappearance?” As soon as Sirius voiced his question, he realised he knew the answer.

Snivellus could have everything to do with Moony's disappearance. They'd been so smashed last night, Snape could have easily taken Moony. He had been humiliated in The Three Broomsticks, he was pissed off that James was marrying Lily, and he'd always held a violent kind of hate for The Marauders. Sirius didn't put it past him to kidnap Remus.

But then, it did seem a bit extreme even for this new evil version of Snape. What could Snape possibly achieve by kidnapping Remus – except pissing off a hungover werewolf. Sirius shrugged, there was only one way to find out.

“Worth a shot.” He said decidedly, watching Woody dangle over the edge of his glass to get to the foamy liquid, “Even if Moony's not there. I have some anger I need to work off.”

James seemed both happy and disappointed with the answer Sirius gave. It became clear why he was disappointed when he pulled a shard of mirror from his pocket, and muttered, “Can't believe I'm doing this.”

He wiped his face tiredly and tapped the glass three times. Sirius and Peter moved closer to James, to cram themselves into the mirror. The image of a young woman, with red hair tied into a messy bun, materialised in front of them. Sirius grinned when she narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the three of them, “What have you done?”

“Nothing.” James said a bit too quickly.

_Rookie mistake,_ Sirius thought to himself when Evans pursed her lips. She managed to look even more suspicious of them – Sirius hadn't thought it was possible.

“We need Snape's address.” James added before Lily could question them further.

Lily arched one groomed eyebrow. After staring at the three of them individually for a long time, she pinched the bridge of her nose, and in a long-suffering voice said, “James, I'm going to ask why you need Snape's address, and the answer had better not be 'to rub it in that I'm marrying you', understood?”

James nodded, and she asked, “Why do you need Snape's address?”

Beside him, Sirius saw James open his mouth, but no words came out. After what felt like forever, James shut his mouth with an audible clack. Sirius saw the flaw in their plan far too late. Lily waited patiently, folding her arms across her chest. Sirius had to say something, find some explanation that wasn't  _oh he stole Remus, it's okay though, we're going to get him back._

Before he could think up another explanation though, his mouth had already began speaking, “He stole... uh... something from me. I need it back.”

Not technically a lie. He silently congratulated himself. When Lily's eyes flicked to his distrustfully, he put on his best I'm-not-lying-about-my-missing-boyfriend face and smiled. She didn't seem satisfied, and instead asked, “Where's Remus? Surely he can tell you this is a terrible idea.”

Sirius cast a sidelong glance at James and Peter, “He's er... he's not well.”

“Hungover.” Peter squeaked in correction.

James jumped on the lie, masking his face with a confident, arrogant smile, “Yeah, you know Moony. Always was the lightweight of the group. Isn't that right, Moons?” James looked at the empty seat opposite him, safely out of Lily's eyeline, and laughed.

Sirius and Peter followed his lead and laughed at the empty chair too. The witches and wizards around them probably thought they were mad. First they talk to their reflections, and now they're laughing at a chair – only in a bar could you get away with that level of insanity.

Lily seemed satiated, she threw out her arms in annoyance, “You know what? Fine! I don't care, take it.” She pulled her wand out of her apron pocket and waved it once at the mirror. Pink, flowy text appeared on the glass and Sirius used his own wand to copy it out on a coaster. Once Sirius had copied out the address, it vanished from the glass, revealing Lily's rockhard glare, “But listen carefully James Potter. If I hear you hurt Snape in any way, I will make sure you have boils  _and_ spots for every wedding picture tomorrow.”

“Deal.” James said.

“Love you.” She added quickly, before disappearing from the mirror, leaving only their reflections staring back at them.

Sirius moved back to sit in his own seat, picking Woody up and putting him on his shoulder. Watching James stuff the mirror back into his pocket, Sirius asked, “ _I_ can still hurt him, right?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.”

** *** **

Spinner's End was the definition of disgusting and unwelcoming.

Sirius wrinkled his nose as he glanced up and down the street. Deserted, run down houses ran along one side of the road, and a dirty river ran down the other. He peered over the edge into the river and caught sight of several pieces of litter – including a dirty diaper, a softdrink bottle, and a shoe – floating in the murky, brown water.

It had been sunny when they'd left Hogsmeade and apparently, during their brief apparation, it had disappeared. A cold fog seemed to exist solely over this street and Sirius tucked Woody into his pocket to keep him warm. James kicked at a pile of glass, fallen beneath a broken streetlamp.

“It's like this place was made for him.” Sirius muttered, watching a plastic bag tangle itself in a leafless tree. Sirius smirked at James, “So Lily grew up here, huh? Poor kid.”

“Yeah, well, we can't all be lucky enough to grow up in Grimmauld Place.” James countered.

“Touché.” Sirius laughed, as the three of them approached the only house with a door still attached. The house itself looked like it would crumble any second and Sirius didn't want to spend any more time on this street than he had to. When James knocked on the door, and they waited for a response, Sirius whispered, “To be fair, Grimmauld Place could be a nice house. It was the violent, bigoted Slytherins in there that ruined it.”

James knocked on the door again, harder this time. Sirius clenched his teeth. There was an audible shuffle from inside, but no one came to the door. Sirius shoved James out of the way and balled his hand into a fist. He pounded on the door furiously, the whole structure seeming to shake. “COME ON SNAPE! We know you're in there!” He shouted.

“Let us in before we break down your-” James's sentence was cut off when the door swung open. Before them, Snape stood in the doorway, wearing matte black robes, looking down his crooked nose at them.

He looked as slimy as ever; still completely missing the point of shampoo.

Sirius dropped his hand to his side and stood on his tiptoes, trying to see over Snape's shoulder. Snape pulled his lip away from his teeth angrily and moved to block Sirius's view. Sirius took this to be a clear admission of guilt. He furiously yanked his wand out of his pocket and aimed it at the space between Snape's eyes. The latter barely flinched.

“Where's Lupin?” Sirius spat.

Snape sneered, “What the hell would I want with that half-breed?”

“Call him that again, I dare you.” Sirius growled through clenched teeth, a hundred curses bouncing on his tongue.

Peter pulled Sirius away from Snape forcefully, and James stepped between the two of them. Evidently not happy at having to be the bigger man, James pushed his glasses up his nose in annoyance and said, “Look, we've lost Remus and we need-”

Snape cut him off, “I don't care what you need, Potter. Why don't you go ask your mudblood of a-”

"Petrificus Totalus!” James shouted, at the same time Sirius yelled, “Slugulus Eructo!”

The two spells didn't seem to mix well, and together they ended up knocking Snape a foot into the air. He collapsed back down like a ragdoll, unconcious. Sirius grinned and stuffed his wand back into his pocket. James stepped over Snape carelessly and Sirius followed him into the lounge. He glanced back just in time to see Peter move Snape's legs enough to shut the door.

Snape's lounge was exactly as Sirius had expected. Full of dusty books, and yellowed newspapers. The ceiling was leaking and all his furniture was patched up in one place or another. James spun around in a circle before stopping to face Sirius and Peter again, “Don't tell Lily.”

“He called her a... a you-know-what. I don't think she'll mind.” Peter whispered, eyeing the room nervously.

Sirius pulled Woody out of his pocket. He placed him in his usual place on his shoulder and clapped his hands together, “Rescue party, go.”

They spent the better half of an hour searching. Snape remained unconscious and if he didn't wake up when Sirius knocked over a few tables, well, that was his problem, wasn't it? Sirius could hardly be blamed for trashing the place, he was very clumsy...

To be fair, Snape was still in one piece. All his limbs were attached, his face was looking better than Peter's, and he'd probably – maybe – still have his memory when he woke up. After what he'd called Lupin and Evans, Sirius deserved a medal for his incredible self control. That didn't stop him kicking Snape's arm absentmindedly when he passed, of course. He laughed at the slug that was slowly trailing across Snape's face.

When Sirius had searched the entire house four times, he couldn't lie to himself any longer. Moony wasn't here. Another lead had lead to nothing. They were no closer to finding his boyfriend, and they had no idea where to go next.

Meeting back up in the lounge, the three of them looked disappointed. Peter rubbed the back of his neck, “This is useless.”

Sudden anger flared inside Sirius, and he snapped at Peter, “We're not giving up!”

With a tired look, James grabbed both of their elbows and apparated them away from Snape's house.

 


	6. Back to the Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius shouts, mopes, and has an epiphany.

Back in the Potters's lounge, the remaining three quarters of The Marauders sat in silence. James was sat on the sofa, his back as straight as a board. He drank another mouthful of the hangover prevention potion he'd found, and washed it down with water. He knew it wouldn't work, since it was a prevention potion and not a healing potion. For it to work, he would have had to drink it last night. He licked his lips, his eyes staring unseeingly at the floor.

Peter was infuriatingly relaxed. He was sat leaning against the wall, munching on crisps. Every time he popped another into his mouth and crunched, Sirius felt anger flare inside him.

He clenched his teeth furiously and stopped pacing. He had probably paced the room at least twenty times by now. Sirius sat down on the floor, fisting his hands in his hair. How had this happened? How the fuck could he let any of this happen? The panic inside his chest had been building all day, and now it was almost as alive as the bowtruckle on his shoulder.

Remus could be anywhere in the world. He could be lost and without his wand. He could be starving and dehydrated. He could be-

Another crunch.

Sirius felt a flash of heat inside his chest and he leapt to his feet. He yanked his wand out of his pocket. As quick as flash Sirius yelled the spell and the crisp packet in Peter's hands exploded, sending crisps across the room. Peter froze.

“What the fuck was that!” James shouted, snapping his head to face Sirius. At the sudden rise of tension in the room, Woody leapt off Sirius's shoulder and ran off.

“How can you eat crisps when he's missing?” Sirius hissed at Peter. Peter shut his mouth, biting his lip fearfully.

“Stop being such a dick! All of this is your fault!” James snapped.

“MY FAULT?” Sirius thundered, “How the fuck is it my fault?”

“Your stupid firewhiskey got us into this mess!”

“No one made you drink it, James!”

“Every-fucking-time we go along with one of your stupid schemes, we end up fucked up! If you ever stopped to think about the consequences, Moony would probably still be here.” James ranted, pulling off his glasses and cleaning them on his jacket.

Sirius glared at James. Anger burned inside him. He was angry at James, but only because he'd told the truth. The firewhiskey –  _his_ firewhiskey – had gotten them into this mess. That was why they couldn't remember anything; why Peter had a black eye; why they were covered in scratches and cuts; and worst of all, the reason why Moony was missing.

If anything happened – had already happened – to him, it would all be on Sirius. If he was in danger it would all be on Sirius. He'd never forgive himself. They needed to find him, but they were all out of leads. Time was slipping through his fingers, and with each hour Remus seemed to disappear further.

The anger that had filled Sirius's body seconds ago faded, replaced quickly by a numbing sadness. He flopped down onto the floor again, dropping his head to his hands. Remus could be anywhere, scared and alone. It had been four hours since Sirius had woken up, and Moony could have been missing for Merlin knows how much longer.

The cold metal of his wedding ring pressed against his cheek. He pulled his hands away from his face and looked at the ring. There was still that huge mess to deal with. Sirius couldn't deal with all of this. He was still so hungover, he needed to sleep, to eat, to shower again. He just needed Moony. He needed a cuddle, not that he'd ever confess that.

James stood up and crossed the room. He lowered himself to sit next to Sirius, groaning like an old man. He patted Sirius's back comfortingly.

"I must have married Moony.” Sirius said after a pregnant pause, continuing a conversation that had long since been abandoned. James and Peter shared what they must have thought was a subtle look. Sirius narrowed his eyes, “What was that?”

James and Peter looked at each other again. Eventually James nodded, ending their telepathic conversation, and said, “Don't get me wrong, it's possible. But...” He trailed off, dodging Sirius's gaze.

"But?” Sirius prompted when he didn't continue.

Peter twisted his fingers together, also avoiding Sirius's gaze, “But it... uh... it doesn't seem like a thing Moony would do.”

Sirius was thrown off by his words. They were right, Remus wasn't the type to do something this stupid. Even when drunk on Russian firewhiskey, he was still the most sensible one in their group. Sirius, sure, he might get married as a joke – a point proven by the silver on his finger – but Remus wouldn't. Remus would be the one standing on the sidelines calling them all idiots.

Sirius pressed his thumb to the cool metal. “But you know he's easily swayed when he's drunk! Remember? Remember that time we almost convinced him to swim in the lake but then Filch had come?” He pleaded. Oh Merlin they had to agree with him. They just had to. If he had married someone else, the consequences were too horrible to imagine.

“Yeah...” James said, rubbing slow circles along Sirius's back. He didn't sound convinced. He was clearly just saying it to appease Sirius, “Yeah, he's gullible when he's drunk.” The _but he's not stupid_ went unsaid.

Their earlier argument had been forgotten, and now Sirius leaned heavily on James's shoulder. He felt like a child and it was embarrassing – or it probably would have been if he could think of anything other than Remus.

As the room fell into silence, Woody poked his head out from behind the sofa. He stepped out and ran back towards Sirius, keeping nervous eyes pinned on James as he passed. The bowtruckle wrapped his arms around Sirius's ankle and Sirius couldn't help but smile. If he ever found Remus again, and if his marriage to whoever wasn't a massive issue, he was so adopting Woody as their pet. Remus would love him.

Well, actually he probably wouldn't. Care of Magical Creatures was always Moony's least favourite subject (just below Potions), since all the animals sensed Remus wasn't quite human and therefore, didn't trust him. Maybe Woody would be different. He'd clearly become attached to Sirius.

Peter rubbed a hand across his face, “I wish we could go back to the start.”

Sirius snapped his head up. He stared open-mouthed at Peter. His hand flew out and whacked James on the shoulder.

“Ow, Padf-”

“SHUT UP!” Sirius shouted. There was something familiar in what Peter had just said. _Back to the start... Back to the start..._ Where had he heard that before?

Sirius leapt to his feet, forcing Woody to tighten his grip. He spun around in a circle, grabbing handfuls of his hair. A memory was trying to push its way into his consciousness. He couldn't see it clearly, he needed to concentrate, he needed... he needed...

_Fucking hell come on Sirius!_

He pulled on his hair, squeezed his eyes shut.

_Back to the start... Back to the start._

Then suddenly he remembered. His eyes shot open. James had stood up too and Sirius planted his hands on his shoulders. Clutching onto the fabric of James's jacket, Sirius announced his discovery, “HOGWARTS.”

James pulled away slightly at the volume. He was looking at Sirius like he was mad. And in fairness, maybe he was. He was almost delirious with ecstacy. They had a lead. He could remember, he could actually, wholly remember something. James wrinkled his brow and repeated, “Hogwarts?”

Sirius pulled away from James, looking at the room with new eyes. He could see where Remus had been, see where Peter had sat. He could see James and the bottle in his hands, and hear the nonsense he had said. It made sense too, what had Madam Rosmerta said?  _You came in here, saying something about old times._

Merlin, they were blind! They were idiots!

Sirius spun back around to face James, “Don't you remember? You were lay right there!” Sirius pointed at the sofa, James had vacated earlier.

** *** **

**Then**

Sirius stretched and sighed like a pampered cat. Remus's head was on his lap and he carded his fingers through his hair. Remus sighed happily too and rolled to face Sirius, a sleepy smile on his face. Sirius was warm with the glow of firewhiskey, a glass of honey coloured liquid sat half-drunk next to him.

James was curled into a ball on the sofa, clinging to the bottle of firewhiskey like a teddy bear. He opened his mouth and continued the speech he'd abruptly stopped a quarter of an hour ago. Peter rolled his eyes at Sirius and chuckled to himself as James rambled nonsensically, “I just, I don't know where, where I'd be without you guys.”

He gestured around the room belatedly and Sirius sniggered. James tilted his head to pin Sirius with a sincere look, “No really. I love you guys, all of you, so, so, so, so, so, so-”

“Prongs?” Remus interrupted.

“-so much.” James finished, “And if I was gay, I would totally be into you all.”

“Okay, no more alcohol for you.” Sirius laughed, his words blurring together slightly.

“I mean it, Padfoot. I love you.”

“Aw, I love you too, Prongsy.” Sirius said, twirling a few strands of Remus's hair through his fingers. James forced himself to sit up, the bottle of firewhiskey falling from his hands and bouncing across the floor.

“I wish... I wish...” James struggled to find the words. He spun his hand around and looked frustrated, eventually he managed to say, “I wish we could go back to the start.”

“The start of what?” Peter asked, through a yawn.

“To the start of our friendship and do it all again. All the full moons, and the pranks, all the arguments, and, and, the map. Let's do the map again, that was crazy.” James grinned gleefully.

“Let's do it then!” Remus said, sitting up quickly. His empty glass rolled off his chest onto the floor.

“Do what?” Peter asked.

“Go back to Hogwarts! We have the map and the Shack, let's do it!” Remus explained, grinning.

“What will we do in Hogwarts?” Sirius asked as everyone stood up, getting ready to apparate.

“Prank some fresh meat.” James offered.

Sirius laughed and forced himself to his feet, “Good enough for me.”

He downed the rest of his firewhiskey and grabbed James's shoulder as they apparated.

 


	7. Bowtruckle Sized Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius finds his sweets, crawls through mud, and loses his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of you had your theories on Woody the Bowtruckle, hopefully this chapter will answer them...

**Now**

 

The Shack looked the same as it always did. The furniture was ripped and patched and ripped again. The floorboards were pulled up in some places and broken in others. Dust floated through the air, visible in the sunbeams cast through the window. Broken glass glinted menacingly on the floor.

It wasn't exactly the same though. Four sets of footprints ran around the room, leaving the floor slightly less dusty in places. Sirius placed one foot forward and it fit perfectly into the shape of the footprint. They'd definitely been here. This fact was further proven when, spreading out, the three of them each made a discovery.

“My wand!” Peter shouted from behind the couch, holding the wooden stick proudly above his head. He kissed his wand and grimaced, wiping dust off his mouth.

“My sweets!” Sirius laughed, discovering a cloth bag filled to the brim with sweets near the run-down fireplace. He dipped his hand in and liberated a pumpkin fizz.

“Russian imported firewhiskey!” James announced, inspecting the empty bottle. The label was scratched off and the cap was missing. He sniffed the rim of the bottle and grimaced, “How did we drink this last night? It smells like bathroom cleaner.”

“It's not the taste that matters.” Sirius said, his mouth full of sweets, “It's how fast it gets you drunk.”

James rolled his eyes at him and held his hands out. Sirius tossed him a chocolate frog. He opened it and chucked the card behind him, while stuffing the struggling frog into his mouth. Sirius passed a sugar mouse to Peter, who had stopped reacting to this particular gag after the sixteenth time they'd tried it. He bit into it. While they ate in silence, Sirius thought back to last night.

He could remember all of this. He could remember apparating into the room and dumping his sweets near the fireplace. He could see Remus falling over the upturned stool; James looking out the window and mockingly announcing there were “five minutes until full moon”. He could see Peter's foot breaking through one of the floorboards, and Remus pointing out that all of the damage wasn't his fault after all. He could remember pouncing on Moony, hearing James and Peter's sounds of disgust.

Sirius smiled, they were so close. This had to be right, Moony was somewhere in Hogwarts.

Sirius remembered Peter transforming into Wormtail, an impressive feat considering all the alcohol in his system. He did it now too, one minute Peter was stood in front of them and the next he had disappeared behind the sofa. The rat skittered across floor, towards the tunnel, followed by James and Sirius.

They paused at the tunnel entrance, staring down into the muddy darkness. After a quick look at each other, they crawled through the tunnel on their hands and knees like they had done the night before.

“This explains the mud.” James called from behind Sirius, the disgust evident in his voice.

They were one man down, one bowtruckle up (much to James's annoyance, Sirius had brought Woody with them, obviously), and so much more sober, but it was the same. There were more complaints and no giggling, but it was the same. They had done all this last night and Sirius could remember it so vividly.

Sirius ducked his head under a low hanging root. He pressed forward, ignoring the way his hands slipped into the mud, and the way it got stuck in his fingernails. He just kept going forward in the darkness, hoping desperately that there were no spiders in his hair.

“Hey, are they my clothes?” James asked suddenly.

“Uh... No?” Sirius said unconvincingly.

“I hate you.” James muttered, punching Sirius's backside.

"Whoa, hey!” Sirius complained, wiggling his hips suggestively, “I know you'd go gay for me, and I know I have a gorgeous arse, but I'm taken.”

“Piss off.” James replied angrily, shoving the back of Sirius's thigh, making him keep crawling.

When they reached the end of the tunnel, and the opening to Hogwarts's grounds, they realised the mistake they'd made. They froze and peered through the gap in the tree roots. Dozens of students roamed the grounds, laughing and joking, firing spells at each other. If they froze the Whomping Willow now, and walked across the grounds, people would notice. They wouldn't get very far before Filch, or McGonagall, or Dumbledore was called.

“Uh oh.” Sirius voiced.

“Don't worry, I brought the cloak.” James said somewhere to the right of Sirius.

“Oh great!” Sirius said sarcastically, “Except we stopped being able to fit under the cloak together in fourth year. I think three pairs of feet walking towards the castle will attract just a tiny bit of attention.”

“Not together, you tosser.” James said, and Sirius guessed he'd rolled his eyes, “Wormy freezes the tree, then you and him go to the forest with the cloak. Wormy comes back with the cloak and does the same for me.”

Sirius hated to admit it, but it just might work. Peter was in for a bit of a workout, but he always claimed the rat enjoyed running more than he did – now was the time to use that to his advantage. He shrugged at Wormtail, who ran off to press the knot on the tree. Hopefully the giant, murderous tree suddenly freezing for no reason whatsoever, wouldn't attract too much attention.

“Any of this look familiar?” Sirius asked, watching a worm near him bury into the ground.

“Nope.” James replied, just as the tree gave a shudder and froze above them.

The cloak was thrown over him and Sirius felt the familiar ghostly feeling of the strange fabric across his face. Wormtail reappeared and Sirius held his hand out of the cloak. The rat jumped into his palm and Sirius pulled him back into invisibility. With Peter in his hand, and Woody clinging to his collar, Sirius crawled out the tunnel and stood up. He had to hope his feet weren't on show because he didn't have much time if James was to get out of the tunnel as well.

He ran towards the safety of the forest, dodging a group of students expertly. Once in the shadow of the trees, he threw the cloak off him and lowered Wormtail to the ground. He offered a bit of the fabric to Wormtail, who took it in his mouth. Sirius then spread the rest of the cloak over the rat, watching him disappear. The moving leaves on the floor the only sign of where he was.

Woody freed himself from Sirius's collar and using his experience of climbing up trees, clambered up Sirius's face. Sirius got a mouthful of bowtruckle foot and an eyeful of bowtruckle hand. Groaning and pulling a face, he felt Woody pull on his hair as he got comfortable.

“Okay, what was that about?” Sirius asked, when Woody stopped fidgeting. Sirius felt his hair being pulled to the right, “Whoa! What's up with you?”

Woody kept pulling on his hair, inexplicably leaning towards the right. He peered over Sirius's head and pointed to the right as well, then sat back and yanked on his hair. Sirius grimaced, “Alright, alright. This way, I get it.”

He walked to the right, using Woody's painful hair pulling to guide him. The deeper they went into the forest, the darker it became. Barely any sunlight penetrated the canopy, and Sirius had to remind himself that it wasn't actually the middle of the night like it seemed.

The forest was actually kind of creepy. Things creaked and snapped around him, he was sure he caught more than one pair of eyes looking at him, and an unexplained chill went down his spine. No wonder it was forbidden.

“You know, I heard there was an acromantula in the forest. Maybe we should turn back...” He said, pretending he wasn't at all scared. Woody offered no words of comfort and instead tugged on Sirius's hair some more. Sirius tugged James's hoodie closer to himself and kept a lookout for any spiders as he kept walking.

“Are you leading me to my death, Woody?” Sirius asked after a few more steps, only half joking. As usual, the bowtruckle didn't respond.

A large tree loomed in the distance and as they approached, Woody began jumping up and down on Sirius's head. A weird screetching noise coming from his throat. Sirius was confused but guessed this giant tree had something to do with the weird behaviour.

When they got close, Sirius stopped walking. Woody clambered back down his face, returning to his usual spot on Sirius's shoulder. The woodland creature pointed at the tree excitedly. Sirius raised an eyebrow, “Uh, yeah? It's a tree?”

If it were possible, Sirius would have sworn Woody rolled his eyes. He pointed to the tree again and pulled on Sirius's ear. Sirius walked closer to the tree, and when he was almost touching the rough bark, Woody clambered off his shoulder onto the tree. He scaled the bark with surprising ease and disappeared into the green mass of leaves.

Sirius took a step back and craned his neck to see upwards, “This is how you leave me, Woody? After everything we've been through?”

There was a weird scraping sound and five bowtruckles dropped from the tree, landing upright on the branch closest to Sirius. He eyed them wearily. Four of them were surveying him interestedly and one was pointing at him. Sirius addressed the pointing bowtruckle, “ _Oh,_ I get it. This is your family?”

The bowtruckle Sirius assumed was Woody stopped pointing and jumped a few times instead. Then without warning, the five of them scaled the tree again and disappeared, “Well, it was nice knowing you, Woody. You'll always be in my heart.” Sirius called after the disappearing creatures, hand over his heart.

Somebody cleared their throat behind Sirius, “Dude, that is not normal.”

Sirius turned to grin at James, “We need to find Moony, there's a bowtruckle sized hole in my heart that only he can fill.”

There was a crackle of leaves and then Peter transformed back. He leant back against a nearby tree, panting slightly. Sirius approached James, leaving Woody behind and asked, “Now what? Wormtail can't run the cloak back and forth from the castle.”

“What time is it?” James asked, as they walked back the way they'd came. The shadows lightened and the creeped-out feeling in Sirius's chest faded with each step. Peter and Sirius shrugged together and James sighed, “Please don't tell me I have to use the mirror to ask my  fiancée what time it is.”

Sirius and Peter shrugged again, pausing a few steps away from the forest edge. The sounds of students floated into the air around them. James sighed wearily again and pulled out the shard of mirror, “Hey, sweetie?”

Sirius made retching sounds and James smacked the back of his head. The image of Lily appeared in the mirror once more, and the three of them crammed into her view. She looked at them angrily, “What now, Potter?”

James smiled innocently and asked, “What time is it?”

Lily pursed her lips, clearly unamused, “Did you really mirror me, so you could- wait, are you in a forest?”

“Uh...” James began.

“You know what? I don't even wanna know. It's half two.” With that, she disappeared.

James stuffed the shard back into his pocket, “That's lucky.”

“Why?” Peter asked.

“There'll be a quidditch match in half an hour.”

“Oh Prongs said quidditch, everybody drink.” Sirius joked, and James smacked him over the back of the head again.

 


	8. School Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tunnel, a caretaker, a room, and a reunion.

Sirius didn't know what was weirder – that James was right about the match, or that he knew who was playing. Apparently it was Slytherin versus Gryffindor today, because Jupiter was rising over Saturn or something, Sirius hadn't really been listening. Just before leaving the safety of the forest, he glanced at James, “You worry me sometimes.”

“Says the guy who just got emotionally attached to a bowtruckle.” James countered, messing up his hair.

“Hey! You leave Woody out of this!” Sirius ordered as they set off across the grounds, praying to Merlin that there were no late stragglers on the way to the match, “That wound is still fresh.”

Sirius jumped over a molehill in the grass and kept running. It was strange to be running across Hogwarts's grounds, but Sirius didn't have time to feel nostalgic. He had a werewolf to find. No students appeared, thankfully, and they skidded around the corner of one of the greenhouses, without being seen. They ran until they were halfway up the path, stopping in sync.

James pulled out his wand and aimed it at a chalk drawing of a flower on one of the path stones. While Peter kept a lookout, Sirius prodded a particularly angry looking plant. He was forced to jump backwards when it hissed, waggling it's many leaves at him. He eyed it nervously and backed away.

James whispered the password, “sunshine and water”.The flower bobbed it's chalky, yellow head, and the stone moved to the side of it's own accord. Below it, a tunnel appeared, just big enough for one fully grown man to slide through.

“We need to change that password.” James muttered, pocketing his wand. He sat down, his legs dangling in the newly appeared hole. He glanced down into the darkness below him. Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself forward, falling down the tunnel. Peter went next, hesitating for several seconds before pushing himself down. Sirius waited until he heard the tell-tale thud and ow combination of Peter's landing and jumped down too.

The tunnel whizzed past around him as he fell, sending his hair flying around his face. He tried to keep his body loose as he fell, remembering the many times one of them had been sent to the Hospital Wing with a twisted ankle from this secret passage.

Sirius shot out the bottom of the tunnel, and landed on the dirt. He tripped forward, landing on his knees and only just avoiding a mouthful of dirt. He stood up and dusted himself off, “Have I ever said? I hate that entrance.”

“You say it all the time.” James pointed out. He cast the lumos charm and the dirt tunnel was lit with a silvery glow. They'd discovered this little passage in second year and it was easily their least favourite. It was dingy and dirty and dripping. The only time they had ever really needed it was when they decided to bunk off Herbology.

A lone spider dangled from the ceiling, inches above Peter's head. Sirius quirked a smile and looked away, secretly hoping it'd fall onto Peter, for no reason other than to make him laugh. Sirius stepped closer to the light and pulled out the map. After opening it, the three of them gathered around, looking for the neat script that read “Remus Lupin”. They fell into silence, the only sound was the distant, echoey sound of dripping water.

Sirius could see three sets of footprints, labelled with their names respectively, stood near the greenhouses. He could see Dumbledore and McGonagall's footprints amongst the masses at the quidditch match. He couldn't see Remus's footprints anywhere though.

Eventually James stepped away, pushing his glasses up his nose, “Well that's fucking great, he's not even here!”

“He has to be!” Sirius snapped, pulling the map closer to his face as though that would help. There were only a few names that weren't at the match, including Filch, and none of them were Remus Lupin, “Where else could he be?”

“Anywhere in the world.” Peter answered mournfully, dropping to sit down in the dirt. He dug the tips of his shoes into the floor, kicking it up.

Sirius lowered the map, resisting the urge to crumple it in frustration. He paced angrily, his shoes becoming caked in mud. Remus had to be here, he just had to. If they couldn't find him even with Sirius's returned memories, they were officially out of hope.

_What would Remus do, right now?_

He'd probably have solved this problem the moment he woke up. If it was Sirius who was missing, or Peter, or James, or anyone other than Remus, they'd be found by now. More than that, they'd be found, fed, and yelled at. But Sirius had never been a problem solver, he left that to Moony, he was more of a joke-his-way-out-of-it kind of guy. Only jokes wouldn't help now, so he had to get serious – excuse the pun.

“If you were blackout drunk in Hogwarts and alone, where would you go?” Sirius asked, twisting around and pacing the opposite way for ten steps, before repeating the process.

“Uh, the common room?” James offered, his eyes following Sirius. The glow from his wand reflected on his glasses, making him look like some kind of eyeless spectre.

“No, you aren't a student anymore, you need to stay hidden.” Sirius said, dismissing James's answer.

“To Dumbledore?” Peter said.

“What did I  _just_ say, Peter?” Sirius snapped. They fell into silence again, no one able to answer Sirius's question. Where the hell would he go if he were blackout drunk?

_To the wedding chapel, apparently_ , he thought darkly. But if he had been in Hogwarts, he might have gone to the shack? Or become Padfoot and hid in the forest? He didn't know.

Remus was different. There had to be somewhere he'd go. Sirius stopped pacing and sat down on the ground, staining his borrowed clothes with more dirt. He brought his knees up to his chest and opened the map again. He lit up his own wand and pressed it to the paper. Then one-by-one he checked all the places Remus might be. He looked at the common room; at the Great Hall; at the Defense Against the Dark Arts corridor; he checked all of the secret passages they'd found and still found nothing. No sign of Lupin anywhere.

“Hey, remember that room that didn't show up on the map?” Peter piped up. James was spinning his wand through his fingers, sending the light dancing around them. It was making Sirius feel sicker, and he reminded himself to never, ever,  _ever_ drink Russian imported firewhiskey again.

Peter continued when no one replied, “Remember? First time we found it, it was full of useless crap that been dumped there? But then the next time James found it, it was a bathroom? And then you and Remus,” Peter said to Sirius, “found it, and it was a closet for you two to hide in.”

“Yeah, _hide in._ ” James laughed.

“We did go in there to hide, thank you very much.” Sirius said stubbornly. After a beat, he added, “It's not our fault we got distracted.”

Peter brought them back on topic, “But remember, no matter how hard we tried, the map wouldn't recognise it as a room? We'd draw it, but it'd be gone the next time we opened the map.”

James and Sirius shared a look. Sirius leapt to his feet, energy building inside him, “He's there, he has to be!”

Without waiting for a response, Sirius ran down the passage, James and Peter following close behind. His legs ached slightly as the tunnel began to arch upwards, the dirt floor slowly fading into concrete the further they ran.

The dirt passage turned into an abandoned castle corridor seamlessly. Sirius ignored the ache in his chest, the thundering of his heart, and yanked open a door. He barrelled up a staircase full of portraits. The painted people protested and tutted as they ran past, there were even some shouts of, “How old are you three?” but they ignored them.

Sirius rounded the corner faster than he'd expected, smacking directly into a portrait containing a woman. The old woman in blue robes glared at him furiously as she rubbed her nose. Sirius called out a hasty apology and stumbled back to his feet, following James and Peter.

A large oak door stood between them and the corridor leading to the unnamed room. James got there first. He pulled on the door, it creaked open slowly at first and then swung outwards faster, revealing a furious Filch, waiting for them expectantly. He grinned, “Well, well, well, if it isn't-”

“PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!” James shouted louder than was necessary. Filch's arms and legs snapped together and he fell to the ground with a thud. The three of them remained frozen, watching Filch's unconscious form, speechless.

James scratched his head with his wand, “I've always wanted to do that.”

** *** **

The wall with the strange room looked as uninteresting as usual. It was just a wall, and even though they all agreed this was where the room was, Sirius still had his doubts. He felt along the bricks, hoping to find a secret handle or a button or anything that would let him in. He stepped back and his hand fell away, when he found nothing.

“What do we say?” Peter asked, looking up at the wall in awe.

“I don't know.” James said, messing his hair up with his hands, “Will it even open with Moony inside?”

Sirius took a few steps away from the wall until he was stood directly in the middle of the corridor. “Worth a shot, right?” he asked. Shutting his eyes, he began to pace. On each turn, he repeated the phrase, “I need the room with lost items.”

Moony would probably – definitely – be offended at being labelled a lost item.

After pacing up and down the corridor three times, Sirius spun to face the wall. After ten seconds no door had appeared, and the smile fell off his face. He stepped back towards the wall and traced a finger around one of the bricks.

“Moony?” He asked. When there was no reply, he leaned back against the wall dejectedly, watching James and Peter through his eyelashes.

“Maybe you have to say what Moony said?” James offered, rubbing the back of his neck.

“No, you have to be really specific.” Peter corrected. He stood in the same place Sirius had and began to pace too, throwing hopeful glances at the wall as he did. “I need the room Remus is in, I need the room Remus is in, I need the room Remus is in.”

Sirius glanced over his shoulder at the wall, but it remained still. Sirius felt what little hope he'd held, fade again. He couldn't take this any longer. The constant rise and fall of his hope and  _where the fuck was Remus?_

Sirius was angry, confused, hopeless and defeated. He slid down the wall slowly, until he was sat on the stone floor. He couldn't bare to think that Remus might not be in there, after all this, but it was entirely possible. Just because they had come to Hogwarts, didn't mean Remus had stayed. They could have gone anywhere after Hogwarts, and Sirius couldn't quite grab hold of the memory. It was there in his mind, but the more he thought about it, the further out of his reach it went. He slumped down, only half listening to Peter and James.

“I thought you had to be specific.” James mocked.

“Got a better plan?” Peter asked, folding his arms across his chest.

“I do actually. Maybe you have to say what Moony said.” James repeated, pushing Peter out of the way. He looked thoughtful for a moment, his tongue held between his lips. Then he shrugged, “I need a place to hide, I need a place to hide, I need a place to hide.”

The wall shuddered. Sirius clambered to his feet with wide eyes. He watched the bricks rearrange themselves. A wooden, patterned door began to materialise. He stumbled over to James, bumping his shoulder, as he watched the changing room appear before them. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw James throw a smug look at Peter.

Finally, the wall stopped moving. A handle appeared and Sirius leapt forward, throwing the door open quickly. He told himself not to get excited. He told himself that just because the door had opened, did not mean Remus was here.

He couldn't help the thrumming of his heart though.

Behind the door, was a large room with off-white walls. The carpet beneath Sirius's shoes was also off-white, and bounced back after each step. Sirius knew that if he lay down on it, it would be soft enough to sleep on.

The room was empty, except for two things. An empty, discarded glass, and a bundle of dirty clothes. Except, when Sirius took another tentative step forward, he realised it wasn't a bundle of clothes at all. He ran, almost tripping over his own feet. He skidded to a halt and dropped to his knees next to the pile.

Remus was curled in on himself like an animal. Sirius's hands hovered nervously over Remus's unmoving form, the image of the boggart from this morning floating into his mind. Behind him, he heard James and Peter stop still. Taking a calming breath, Sirius lowered his hands, wrapping his fingers around Remus's upper arm.

Remus let out a whine. Painstakingly slow – sending Sirius's breath hitching – he turned to face his boyfriend. Sirius gasped when he met those green eyes. Like all of them had been this morning, Remus was covered in mud and scratches – that Sirius vaguely remembered were inflicted by the Whomping Willow when they hadn't escaped in time. He looked exhausted.

His face contorted into confusion at Sirius's sudden appearance. Sirius placed his free hand on Remus's neck, feeling his pulse jumping beneath his thumb. Remus tilted his head slightly and caught sight of James and Peter. Then – and Sirius thought he'd never see this again – he smiled. In a barely audible voice he whispered, “You know, no matter how many times you ask, this room won't give you food.”

And Sirius laughed. The sound echoed around the room. He dragged Remus into a slightly too tight hug. Despite Remus's groans of pain, Sirius didn't let go. In fact, he tightened his grip, burying his face into Remus's neck. Remus pushed half-heartedly against his chest, before collapsing against Sirius, giving in to the hug.

Sirius couldn't believe it. He had been so close to giving up hope, to believing they had lost Remus forever. And yet, here he was. Alive, and breathing, smelling a bit like mud and shivering slightly. They had found him, and Sirius was brimming with joy. He couldn't wipe the smile off his face.

Eventually, reluctantly, Sirius let go of Remus. He didn't let him go too far though, and kept his hands splayed on his back. With an earsplitting grin, Sirius said, “Can't handle your Russian liquor, huh?”

Remus narrowed his eyes in a glare, “I hate you.”

“Oh no!” Sirius gasped. In mock sadness, he added, “You're delirious.”

Remus was pulled into another hug. This time, James and Peter joined, laughing in relief against their heads. When Remus choked and groaned in pain, they didn't let go.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOT THE END! Stay tuned for an epilogue. 
> 
> I will probably upload the epilogue soon, rather than stick my every two weeks schedule, since it's only tiny.


	9. Epilogue

Lily observed the four crumpled men who sat before her. Sirius followed her gaze and understood the suspicion on her face. The four of them were still covered in scratches, and looked like they hadn't slept in weeks. Peter was practically asleep over his plate of food. Sirius was clinging to Remus's hand like it was the only thing keeping him alive, and Remus was clinging back just as hard, finishing his seventh glass of water. James had barely made it through their vows without yawning, and now he sat slumped in his chair, one arm around Lily's shoulders.

“How was the stag do?” Lily asked.

“You know us...” James said, stifling a yawn, “We got into trouble.”

“Yeah, I guessed.” She said, sipping her champagne. She didn't ask what had happened. Either because she knew the answer already, or because she was just used to The Marauders antics by now.

Sirius couldn't believe his best mate was married this young. It was strange, but at the same time it was completely normal. Sirius had never expected anything less from lovestruck-James-Potter. He watched Lily scoot her chair closer to James's and smiled to himself.

He rubbed at his tired eyes, and ran his thumb along the back of Remus's hand. Yesterday, after hugging Remus for an embarrassingly long time, the four of them had walked back the way they'd come, stepping over Filch as he began to stir. They'd walked back down the dirt passage, with Sirius and James propping a weak Remus up between them.

James had helped Remus onto Sirius's back, and the four of them had walked back to the Willow, not really feeling up to the run. Luckily, the match hadn't ended yet.

Once they were back in the Shack, Sirius had noticed the absence of the map. They had all been so caught up with the idea of Remus being in the weird-transforming room, Sirius must have dropped it somewhere without anyone noticing. They had left it in the castle, to help out future mischief makers, since none of them would volunteer to go back to get it.

In the Shack, Remus had devoured his body weight in sweets and, for the first time, Sirius had felt glad he'd spent all of his money of them. Moony had still been chewing when they'd apparated back to the Potters's house. Remus had crawled into Sirius's lap and slept there like a housecat. Sirius had fallen asleep with him on James's floor.

Despite the eighteen plus hours of sleep he had had, Sirius had still felt exhausted when he'd woken up that morning. He had also been unable to let Remus out of his sight, which had made showering much more interesting.

Sirius yawned and rubbed his eyes again. Lily gasped suddenly.

“Is that a wedding ring?” She squeaked, sounding shocked.

Sirius yanked his hand away from his face quickly, and hid it under the table.

_Oh yeah..._

He still hadn't had chance to talk to Remus about it. Somewhere between finding Remus, and falling asleep, Sirius had neglected to mention this giant problem. Sirius risked a glance at him out the corner of his eye, feeling James, Lily, and Peter watching them with apprehension. Remus looked strangely blank.

Sirius opened his mouth to explain, but nothing would come out. He had no idea who he had married, and he had no explanation at all. Of all the things he could remember from the Stag Do, this was not one of them.

Remus stood up quickly, and Sirius stood up too. He was about to beg him not to leave, to let him explain, when he said, “Let's dance.”

He held out his hand to Sirius, and, feeling a little bit lost, Sirius accepted. He allowed himself to be pulled to the dance floor. He threw a shrug at James, who just shrugged back. Once hidden behind the dancing crowd, Sirius placed his hand on Remus's shoulder, and held his other. Remus placed his free hand on Sirius's lower back, and the two of them swayed to the music. They were rather off-beat, but Sirius didn't really care.

“Moony, I can explain about the rings...” Sirius paused, “Okay, I can't, but I can try...”

Remus nodded, and the smallest twitch of a smile played on his lips. Sirius narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Remus licked his lips, he seemed to steel himself, “It's me.” 

“What is?”

“You married me.”

Sirius stopped dancing abruptly. He couldn't think of anything to say. He should be panicking, freaking the fuck out, because he was  _married._ He was actually, married. He was in a fully-fledged committed relationship. He was basically an adult now. He was as committed James was. He had even beaten Prongs to marriage. Sirius Black was married to his boyfriend –  _husband._

But he wasn't freaking out.

Well, not as much as he had expected to.

He was... He didn't really know what he was. The first word that came to his mind was “relieved”. It could have been worse. He could have married a stranger. He could have married someone way worse than Remus Lupin. He choked out a laugh, and the same relieved expression that was likely on his own face, swept across Remus's.

Remus freed his hand from Sirius's back and rooted through his pockets. After a few seconds, he pulled out a matching ring and the two of them stared at it blankly. Sirius held out his hand, wearing the ring, and they waited. Neither of them spoke.

Sirius wanted to ask so many questions. Where had they gotten the rings from? Where had they found a wedding chapel willing to marry them? Had James and Peter been their best men? Had Sirius proposed? Or had Remus?

There was only one question that really mattered: Do you want to stay married?

He couldn't bring himself to ask it though. He was too afraid of the answer.

So, instead, he asked, “Who's idea was it?” 

Remus looked at him incredulously, “Obviously not mine!”

Sirius laughed softly, “So if I asked you to marry me, you still agreed. I think we're both at fault.”

“You more than me.” Remus said. He looked back down to the ring, and pushed it onto his ring finger. Sirius couldn't control the smile that broke out on his face. He leaned up and kissed Remus, for the possible one hundredth time today. He tasted like champagne and cake, and his hands ran through Sirius's hair gently.

Pulling away the slightest bit, so he could still feel Remus's breath on him, Sirius whispered, “I kind of like them.”

Remus lips curved into a smile, “Are you telling me, Sirius I'm-never-going-to-settle-down Black  _likes_ being married?”

“Maybe.” Sirius shrugged half-heartedly. Remus smiled, and the crowd next to them parted just enough to allow them to see James and Lily. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, and kissed the side of her head. They looked so happy, and so content.

Sirius felt the same. Not only did he have Remus back, but he had married him. He was married, and at one point, that had frightened the life out of him, but he was glad now. As confused as it made him feel, he felt right being married.

“I like them too.” Remus whispered, his breath tickling Sirius's ear. Sirius grinned, and moved to catch his lips once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you go, your extra spoonful of sugar.  
> Thank you so much for all your support, and your wonderful reviews. I wouldn't have completed this without you. 
> 
> Thanks again, and I so hope you enjoyed it.


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